awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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