There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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