More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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