My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
