Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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