Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
