so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
