She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
