so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Who died my cat blue again?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
