why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
