I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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