Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
