A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
