You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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