if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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