Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
