Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
