Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize