I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
