Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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