yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She announced her abortion via fbk
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
