Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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