I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
