So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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