I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
