remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
