Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
