He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
