Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
ok first of all what the fuck
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
