At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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