a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
