I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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