We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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