i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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