If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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