Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
