Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
