normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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