I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dignity is for republicans.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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