If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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