somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
