I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
