I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
