I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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