I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Swine flu is the new snow day.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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