one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
