i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She needs sedatives and a leash
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
