Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
