Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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