i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
