The maid of honor just puked.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
