I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Mom said you looked used
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
