She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
