Kiss
Puke
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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