sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
