That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
