So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
