I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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