I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
