Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
