Have you finally orgasmed yet?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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