I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
