Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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