no, he came in my armpit
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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