In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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