Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
