she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
