Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
