Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
