so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
