I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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