im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
