we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
porn star boner night. come get it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
