The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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