I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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