The maid of honor just puked.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
