did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
