wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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