What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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