oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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