I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
