I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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