I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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