You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
