Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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